Scarred Memoirs! From the pages of life......

The seas of turpitude is all but around me-You
Hail in glory when all is green
And agony passes by all unseen
When all swam with the current to safe aboard-You
Departed with deep disdain at the first call of raising Cain
My neck deep in water;bearing the yoke of pain
Frozen waters but took me to yonder shore-You
Care?my breath did not yet meet its last mark
For I live today with all the glory spark
Memoirs of abuse hold on me like never before-You
Bet they never bow me down to murky spaces
Love, smiles and trust make comfy embraces
Things are now fine and gay-You
Still hold to my brain and cast a clout
But now I would fight;there's no doubt
With all my might, for it is my right!

12 years of togetherness

12 years of falling in love with someone special...someone I love with no bounds, yet someone whom many might be loving even more, someone wild and calm in spirit at the same time...I can feel the touch but not become one with spirit, someone who kisses like pecks of a bird, yet makes me bereaved...

From Kerala to Hyderabad that someone has been with me, giving me surprises and boredom, passion and reluctance, power and learned helplessness...I have woken up to see him just a few yards away and sometimes too near to resist, at times with reluctance and disappearing in a moment and at times lingering for long.

Near the peacock lake, in a joyous solitude, my love came with a bundle of surprises of glistening stones of white. In pain, when I walked about the terrace of my hostel past midnight, in the languid moments of experiencing futility...I remember the power...all the strength bestowed on me. And the day it was all brown and dirty outside me...hmm...inside me...I loved the way my love washed me with divinity...

The day I was torn apart and I was broken in spirits, the day I felt my life has no purpose, a life where futility marks the day, whence I thought I do not want to see a road ahead...my love was with me, listened to me and cried for me.  In all odds still my love thrived, saw pain and suffering around, yet did not take a step back..for that was the way to live...that gave me a purpose...a new leash of life...I was reborn that day...

At the tender touch of my love, I ran in mirth and madness on the open dias...my soul was free...as the love grew powerfull...I drained in the love showered on me and then when all of it came to a stop...gave me memories to cherish for a lifetime.

As memories bring back to my yard...the trees...the magnificent and roaring sea, the grotto of godly presence, the mighty coralwood, the colourful bougainvilleas...the corridors of my school...the chirpy school friends, the lovable teachers...I remember the day at school...the second last bench on which I sat and lost in the sight of my beloved...yearning to just leave the boring physics class and go on adventure with him...and lo...my class teacher in loud voice called out my name...

Neethu! Where are you looking at...what is there for you to look at? I wanted to say the truth... “my love; my rain”...ummm....I hesitated and became dumb for moments together... and she said keep standing in the class the whole period...

Torn apart yet again...

With dried tears around my cheeks and a heavy heart,
I lay there on bed, a vacuum within me and eyes fixed on ceiling.
Then again crawling limbs like spiders mounted on me,
Darkness lingered on for long...
A tempest followed and then silence again,
...there was no pain and dejection,
It'as not 'me', but my body being ripped apart.
For I was but soaring high to the yonder skies,
Tracing trails on paths untread,to reach my mother's arms,
To be held against her bosom, to feel the warmth of her presence.
A smile on her face;she embraced me...
I lay there against her and the tempest calmed down,
But all whence the cloud of darkness swept away,
The crawling limbs was no more heavy on me,
I lost sight of my mother, I was bereaved of her presence of sudden,
But then in no time it occurred to me she was no more with me,
I was but seven when she left me.
In silence I waited for those stains of blood to dry off yet again...