Page 3 to Page 1

                              The title talks about pages 3 to 1 bt it is more than that...its like a chapter in my life...I saw the movie Page 3 which i wanted to watch since long time though...it is one of the most beautiful movie i have ever seen...in love,sex,sarcasm...in hatred,vengeance,rivalry...in personal and political life...i got a picture of the real world...the real me who flows in the river of life. 

                              When i see these things what i feel is there is nothing to regret...i was regretting till now though...i am what it is the real, sans bound...the selfish political person...but one single change...i stopped thinking. I see what i am and what the world i perceive...SORRY...what it is...the reality... i have no regrets, im not restless...i embrace these pages of my life which the world eggoned me over years to adapt to with full heart...because every time i realise i am what i see around...it makes me feel yes...my humanity lies in a dying state.Question 1.Should i avoid that realisation or work on it? I got one answer from that dying humanity of mine what next...sitting in the ivory towers and saying i lost humanity, people should do sth, hold accountable somebody, be responsible, should fight...how? Only by discussion or sth more...I felt that is what at least all do. What next? Something concrete has to be done not to save my humanity bt just that i dont want to feel shit at the end of my life...when i lie in between those wooden sticks/coffin/electric hut...or whatsoever to feel I did everything for myself.My career,my ambition,my joys...no...im not against it...im greedy like any human...job,love,joys all...but how long...Next 6 months is a crucial time...its not about academics...my intuition says so...Im figuring out how? I saw a guy  in my university fell from bike fully injured they asked a guy coming on another bike for help...he said he doesnt have time. It is expected what i did. I dont blame the guy for not doing that bt i felt the graph of humanity is upside down. A dog which made my hostel its home was beaten up until it bled to near death...I guess the life graph of that dog was strong so it lived and recovered...bt what is so bad in it...Girls who never liked these dogs who spoil the hostel by spilling garbage (even i was pissed up with them for doing that)...were just standing and clapping and laughing while the dog was harshly treated...If dog had a vocal cord so strong like us it would have said...U people who laugh do u know how much it pains...when blood spills and my stomach pains do u know how much it hurts? I think today why... i though didnt take part in clapping and laughing...I was silent..somehow i felt its a dog...na? or i felt why should i when no one takes initiative? See i told I am in the flow the way the world is flowing...

Unconditional love is what i cherish even now

I was thinking and i was questioning myself how could i ever perceive something in a narrow way...as confining what surrounds me to mockery, trickery, selfishness etc etc...how could i forget about a significant component called love...defining it or measuring  is the last thing to do...as every individual is unique so is the perception about love...it differs from person to person...i do not talk about a platonic love or the bond between a man and woman which can and cannot take the route of sensual pleasures and find its symbol in procreation...i talk about something different...where there is no demand...no compulsion...mother's love is a symbol of such unconditional love...but what i talk is not about family bonds...my blood relations...but the experience of unconditional love from a non family member. I felt it when i was 17 and it continues to this day...a letter written to me by my peer was of a feeling of walking side by side...of family care...of plunging into darkness to spread light and of confidence in a relationship...i was feeling so good reading through those lines...and when that letter ended what my mind was expecting that came about...it read From a brother whom you never had...that feeling was inexplicable...it was a moment of unconditional love and too from someone of my peer group. The feeling was expected but those words were like rivers of happiness...of untold joys...to this day that unconditional love i cherish...I do not know whether the same reciprocal feeling comes from the other side of the picture...that whether he feels the way i feel today...i do not know what turn things might take later but that made a lasting impact...it does not matter what the other person feels but me as a person i felt something i cannot explain in years to come...i experienced unconditionality and that too not for momentary solace but to cherish it for lifetime...to this day...that unconditionality continues when it is with him...I cannot call him a friend alone...the letter ended and it delegated a different meaning to a relationship...of being part of my family...yes unconditional love is what i cherish even now...